I saw another terribly sad social media post not so long ago from someone who had a lost a former colleague to suicide, saying how happy that person had seemed, how they’d been coping, how they were a strong person and thus urging others feeling like that, to reach out.

Sadly, it doesn’t work like that.

I suffered from mental illness, I had a mild nervous breakdown, in that I caught it early (my boss forced me to have a month off and take a trip to the docs) following an explosion of tears and me trying to quit my job out of the blue. Admitting I was that ill was half the problem, and that was admitting it to me, let alone admitting it to others

I had as good a recovery as is possible; the tears dried, the brain fog cleared, my memory is still recovering. I was exhausted, I felt better, I did too much, I took a couple of steps back, and then slowly moved on again.

Here’s the thing, when you’re low, or so low you’re suicidal, trust me, the last thing you’re doing is reaching out. For many we’ve been strong independent people who have lived independent lives and so asking for help to carry the groceries is something we wouldn’t contemplate. We were invincible, we did everything for ourselves, without question, hesitation or assistance.

When I was ill, and I’d accepted it, I still struggled to reach out and ask for help to change a duvet cover. The last thing I was thinking of doing to giving a former co-worker a ring at 11pm on Tuesday night because I felt bad enough to end things.

People like that almost never reach out. And if they do, they phone the Samaritans, because let’s face it there’s still stigma attached to having mental health problem,s so they’re phoning a stranger, if at all.

So mentally ill people aren’t going to reach out. End of. And we need to stop attempting to assuage our guilt by transferring responsibility to person who is suffering. We have to reach out to them. To the person who’s been quiet on social media recently. The person struggling to find work. The person who’s suffered a breakup, or the person who has lost a loved one and is grieving.

An attention seeking social media post about how sorry you are and saying anyone can call you is pointless and at best self-serving.

We have to reach out.

It’s on us.