So we had started tentatively creeping back into the office to work, not because we needed to, more because we wanted to get out and see other humans that we used to spend so much time with in a physical capacity.

Somehow the conversation got round to infidelity and what we’d do if we thought we’d been cheated on. And it turns out we’re pretty evil, but in really small petty ways. So here are some of things we’d said we’d do to:

• Cut the buttons off one cuff on all his work shirts
• Cut one shoelace, on one side, right back to the shoe
• Switch the sugar in the jar for salt
• Change passwords on stuff, wifi, Netflix etc
• Remove all the chargers from around the house
• Leave the milk out over night to go off so hot beverages are ruined
• Turn off the hot water system for a few days and take control of the app
• Remove all the labels from all the tins of food
• Un-balling all his socks and mixing them up in the draw
• And while not really relevant any more, take all the CDs and DVDs out of their boxes and then put them all back in the wrong boxes
• Remove all the remote controls from the house

So, no shouting, no screaming, no breaking things, no throwing things, no trashing things or chucking things out of the window onto the lawn.

Low grade evil. Really petty annoying stuff. Or we just tell their wives.